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LouieThis month's Vogue Magazine is a massive tome
September 4th 2007 02:48
In America, this month's Vogue Magazine is an astonishing 840 pages.
Eight hundred forty pages. It's almost an abstract number, like a light-year or an electronvolt.
To give you an idea of how long that is, it's longer than all four books in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Trilogy combined.
It's also longer than Life of Pi and One Hundred Years of Solitude combined.
In fact, the only book on my shelf that can look with a condescending glare at the 840 page Vogue is my copy of Atlas Shrugged, which soars past 1000 pages. I still haven't read it.
One of the most common complaint about magazines is the obscene number of advertisements that block out any actual content, not to mention the sponsored articles that are just trumped up ads anyway.
In fact, buying the new Vogue may be a backbreaking volume of sheer consumer frenzy. If you're lucky, you might be able to find this insipid piece on Sienna Miller fooling around in Italy. You'd be the lucky recipient of loftily wordsy passages, such as:
"Her suitcase has apparently erupted. Streaming from it, or thrown out of it, are nude patent Burberry ankle boots; Chanel silver python flats; an ostrich boot from Louis Vuitton ("That's the perfect boot; sorry to sound so fashiony"); snakeskin platforms from Terry de Havilland; a 1920s vest worn by Vietnamese soldiers; a blue sequined V-back sweatshirt from Peter Jensen ("I quite love sequins; I think it's the drag queen in me"); an Ossie Clark dress covered in pansies ("a proper hippie dress"); a 1989 STEEL WHEELS Rolling Stones T-shirt pilfered from ex-boyfriend model/rocker Jamie Burke; gray linen overalls from Isabel Marant; a black beaded halter top ("a slutty kind of thing"); a 1920s wedding dress with an arm coming off; Vivienne Westwood vintage tops for Wolford; a Lurex granny-square vest by Wayne Rogers for Granny Takes a Knit; JET track pants; an "oversize doll dress" by an English line, PPQ; black sports shorts with a red heart on them (A. Olivieri from Euphoria, London); an orange alligator clutch from Bridget Romanek."
Read that, if you're able to. Let me paraphrase:
"Her suitcase has apparently erupted. Streaming from it are a lot of very expensive things that you don't have, but should want to buy."
This story goes on for some time... probably 4 or 5 pages in the magazine. Enjoy the other 835 pages, my friend!
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